On Leaving: Round Two – June, 2015
Three years ago, I wrote a piece (attached here) about my first born leaving the nest. It went semi-viral which was complimentary, but certainly not my intent. For me, writing is therapeutic and I shared my sentiments as a comfort to other parents who were dealing with the same new, frightening, overwhelming and stressful feelings.
Now, I’m on to round two, and my son is flying the coop. Thankfully, it’s a little easier this time. Although my kids are very different, I’m confident, after watching my daughter thrive in college, that if he applies himself, success will follow. Of course there’s no doubt that I’ll still worry about the important stuff: meeting new friends, making smart choices and getting good grades. But there’s also the nonsensical, trivial stuff that I probably won’t want to know the answers to: Will he clean up after himself? Do his laundry? Change his sheets? Eat something besides Mac ‘n cheese?
I’m quite certain he won’t text or call me nearly as much as my daughter did, which will keep me in a constant state of stress. Not knowing that he got back to his dorm every night takes a lot of getting used to and a lot of very late nights in a pool of panic. Sadly, worrying has become an unpleasant hobby of mine.
However, just like I did with the first time around, I’ll remember that parenting is about preparing for them to fly. And G-d willing, he’ll know when to use the tools I’ve instilled, drilled and lectured into his inner toolbox, for the past eighteen years.
Not only am I dealing with the same emotions as last time, but I’m also trying to imagine my life as an empty nester. EMPTY NESTER…it sounds so sad and lonely. Damn to whomever came up with that term. It’s interesting though…so many people assume that this is a thrilling time for me. They all want to know how I’m going to spend my newfound free time, they wonder if I’ll spend my weekends traveling and they ask if I’m moving. First of all, free time doesn’t exist, ever. There is always something to be done, or in my case, something to be read. No, I’m not traveling; I have two kids in college with tuitions to pay. Moving? Ha. I’m hoping to still celebrate holidays and have a familiar place for them to come home to, at least for a few more years.
Like all things in life, this too is a cycle that I will go through and survive. The tears I shed at graduation will be for an immense amount of pride and love but some of those salty drops will be for the end of what I’m used to. Breakfasts at the kitchen island where he once used a booster seat, talking after school, driving carpool, yelling to clean up his room, finding his soccer uniform minutes before the game and begging him to do his homework before playing Xbox, will all be things of the past. I realize too that his chores will now become my chores. And I’ll really, really miss the noise. I know that our family dinners will now mean picking up take-out for two, but in thinking through all this, I also gain a few things: I’ll only have to buy groceries once a week. Laundry will be at a bare minimum and there will be no more school, camp or athletic forms to fill out.
Even with those few wisps of silver lining, I know my heart will be indelibly marked by this ending and new beginning. My soul will ache from missing my kids, but I know their visits back will restore and recharge me, and make my house a home again.
Lauren Margolin
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Tracks of tears down my cheeks, a boulder in my stomach – beautifully written. Now excuse me while I locate some kleenex and ice cream.
you’ll do just fine…it’s the only viable choice we have!